August 29, 2013
I have wanted to add a blog portion to my website for the past few years but each time I considered it, I believed that unless I was going to share a positive outlook on dealing with pain and disability, I should not write one. I knew that it would be impossible for me to put forward a rosy outlook so I did not write a blog post until now. Today, however, I am giving myself the freedom to start writing a blog that is a raw and truthful sharing of how I struggle to deal with my pain.
Don’t get me wrong, I try and be positive but I truly have been longing for a place to share my inner suffering, my struggles and my frustration with the limitations this disability puts on my life.
I have shared these feelings repeatedly with my very supportive friends and family, but how many times can I burden them with my recurring feelings of loss, depression, anger and sadness. These feelings that continue to ebb and flow but are always there on a daily basis.
Even as I write this post I imagine people reading this and thinking, “she really needs to accept her situation and move on”. The fact is I have been trying to move forward for years and I have made only small progress in doing so. I find it progressively harder as my level of disability continues to increase.
In the last few days as I have been laying here, bedridden due to my pain, I decided maybe it is time I try and see if blogging is one way of helping me move forward. Perhaps it will be the avenue that allows me to let go of the burdensome feelings I carry around with me. In fact, I already feel lighter as I come to the close of this, my first, post.